I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
