Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
