clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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