Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
