That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
