my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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