i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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