i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
