I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
