never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
