WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
