i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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