Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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