Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
