I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
