Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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