Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
