Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
