She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
