How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
