I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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