I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
