did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
