Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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