I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
