Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His nipple licking is glorious
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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