I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
