it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
