At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
