And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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