Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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