It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
