fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hippo gnu deer
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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