I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
