when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
