I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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