You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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