Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
