It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you win again, gameday.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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