you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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