Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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