So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
