your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
