he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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