I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
