We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
