we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
