Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
