with your own penis?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
