Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
