i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
