I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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