I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
