u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
