is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
