I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
