i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
